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|Chuck Norris visited the "virgin" islands... when he left it was renamed to the islands.
|Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage
| Chuck Norris doesn't have hairy balls because hair does not grow on steel.
|Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
|If Chuck Norris is running late, time slows down. It knows better.
|Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
|Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
|Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters... if by knitting you mean kicking and by sweaters you mean babies...
|Chuck Norris doesnt count it as sex unless the woman dies.
|Chuck Norris is a former #1 draft pick in the NFL. He immediately retired when they told him in training camp that a round house kick to the face was not a legal method of tackling. Enraged, he cursed the franchise to never ever make the playoffs. We know them as the Detroit Lions.
|The Internet was invented by Chuck Norris so he had a place to put his porn collection.
|Vampires usually follow Chuck from a distance; they know he's always where the blood's at.
|Chuck Norris had AIDS. Then he said, 'Do you not know who I am?' Chuck has been AIDS-free ever since.
|It's said that if you look directly into Chuck Norris' eyes you can see the beginning and end of all things... but no one has had the balls to try.
|Depression is actually a Latin term. Translated in means, "You can never be Chuck Norris".
|When a jury found Chuck Norris guilty of murder, the judge sentenced himself to death rather than sentencing Chuck Norris to anything.
|The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.
|Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.
|Chuck Norris was called to the set of the movie "Independence Day." They needed a way to show the Statue of Liberty laying on its side. To do this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the statue down, let it lay long enough for them to film the scene, then stared at it until it stood back up.
|The first time Chuck Norris ever played Counter Strike, he no-scope headshoted a terrorist through the walls from across the map on CS_Dust 2... with a knife.
|Chuck Norris once sneezed on a woman at the bank and got her pregnant
|If you try video taping Chuck Norris without his permission you will very quickly be filming the inside of your own ass.
|Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
|If you're a woman and you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
|Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.
|When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
|Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
|Chuck Norris once brought a man back to life twice and killed him three times because the man had the audacity to die before Chuck Norris was finished killing him.
|Chuck Norris was awarded the nobel price for peace, for letting so many people live.
|If you catch Chuck Norris sleeping he will grant you one wish, if your wish is dying.
|Chuck Norris was born in the log cabin he built himself.
|The Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women than most men.
|Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".
|Chuck Norris has never lost his virginity. Chuck Norris never loses.
|Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.
|Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
|The day you introduce your mom to Chuck Norris, is the day you mom introduces you to your biological father.
|Chuck Norris died in 1985. The Grim Reaper has not had the courage to tell him yet.
|Chuck Norris once unscrambled an egg becuase he ordered it sunny-side up.
|Chuck Norris doesnt pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
|Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair.
At Toys “R” Us, Barbie and the Chuck Norris actions figures must be at least eight aisles apart by law. After all, it is a children’s store.
|Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
|Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
|Chuck Norris can speak braille.
|If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
|On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
|Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
|Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
|Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.